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 Ten Commandments now Ten Suggestives? |
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LOCAL ACLU OFFICIAL- NERVOUS BREAKDOWN! Stone Decalogue Grows Breasts In Self Defense Measure |
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(Rume, Mississippi) - Zimri Wasselmann sits in his hospital bed in his splendid room atop New Sinai Hospital Special Wing for the Confused, picking at the scabs on his forehead - his weeping mother, outside in the hallway, unable to enter the room. "But it had breasts.." Wasselmann mumbles, "THEY SPIT MILK AT ME!" He is referring to the Monument of Sexy Commandments, the celebrated local statue of the Ten Commandments which has sprouted a pair of full, semi-pendulous female breasts. Scientists have no explanation for the ex nihilo growth. |
The ACLU released a statement on Wasselman's confinement as a small step backward in "..our movement to progress the Progressive progression." "Dogs gotta swim, ants gotta fly, we (ACLU) gotta sue someone 'til we die," the statement continued. "Yes, it is a problem," said Salaam Moishette Kentstati-Uups, spokescommitteeperson for the civil liberties advocacy group. "For a while, we didn't know whether to sue to keep the breasts or sue to get rid of the Ten Commandments. Now, however, the path is clear: we will sue to have the statue physically changed. We want |
just the breasts left, and we want the government to pay for the monument reduction!" A little gleam appeared in the eye of Kentstati-Uups, as she enthused, "I can't wait to stick it to all those nasty, gloating, juvenile Christians! We'll teach 'em to file on top of our lawsuits! The election process belongs to us! Tomorrow belongs to me!" A shaman sociologist has been brought in to shake a cabbage patch doll over the bewildered Wasselman in a non-religious effort to heal him. Osama Bork'em says he has high hopes the process will work; "We'll cure him, by God... oops.. um... "  |
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