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| (The Planetessimal Pluto) - Al Gore today declared himself the winner of the 2002 Presidential Campaign. He appologized for Buffy, the 900-year-old cocker spaniel, his running mate, for not being at the election night celebration. "She is off, inventing writing," he explained. Fortunately for reporters, Gore's campaign manager and Nobel Laureate, Former President and Desert Fighter, Jimmy Carter, was there to add a few words. "I'm absolutely famished," effused Carter. "I haven't eaten since this election began. I'm really looking forward to some lunch. It would really be nice if Al had fed us. Frankly, I can't understand his need to give the entire campaign treasury to the Chinese. I mean, I understand  |
the need for missile parity and all that.. but.. dadgummit! I mean ... DADGUMMIT! By the way, Buffy sez 'Hey.'" It was a totally different picture at Zixlnorb Headquarters. They felt honored to have a renowned liberal like AL Gore to run for President of the United States of Bbob. They just hadn't counted on his winning. "He just gave people money for their votes," said ZZhaverbnatze Xlicksord. "He said he was giving money to the Chinese, whoever in the hell they are. But instead, he just bought votes. I realize this is Pluto and all, but even we don't do stuff like that! We ought to deport him.. Wait a minute! Hey, Xharlie! Check the law on aliens running for President!" President-elect Gore is |
expected to wear pink ceremonial flippers in accordance with the 220 year Bbob inaugural tradition. But even bitter Zixlnorbs could not dim the exultation at Democratic Headquarters. Aids to President-Elect Gore were milling about the ice rink commenting on the closeness of the race and how Buffy could have cost them the entire ""ball of wax." "After she was caught with Champ in the ally, we thought it was all over. Thank goodness for the Chinese!" bubbled one blond political operative. "Oh, you are so right," said another. "Who'da thunk the Chinese would have come all this way, just to help us win an election. That's reality! That's the world WE live in!"  |
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