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(Fallindoondronk, Co. Cork, Ireland) In a move which signals the latest
success in diversity, the country of Ireland and the province of
Scotland will trade cultures for four weeks. Such wonderful Scottish customs as chisseling your neighbor out of his weekly government retirement stipend, saying things like,"Ach ni bruder!", and wearing outfits a New Jersey pimp would not be seen dead in, "Uts lake a holiday fer oos Scuts" will be replaced with a group of redheaded men whose eyes cannot focus, women who will beat the crap out of anyone who argues with them, and legislators whose cries of "unfair!" and "the dole needs increasin'!", make the Congressional Black Caucus' agenda seem laissez faire. Just how this will come about has not been worked out, yet, but suffice it to say |
there are already complaints about the
surrender of terms and increased budgets for clothing for the Irish.
The Scots were inexplicably completely in favor of the exchange. "Uts lake a holiday fer oos Scuts," said an ebulliant Ian MacDogleash, "foor blooody wakes of dooin' aught!" Irish politicians make the Congressional Black Caucus' agenda seem laissez faire Meanwhile, Irish negotiator, Ian O'Brayunbash, was having trouble reading the articles of exchange as written by the combined Scots-Irish/Irish-Scots Parliament. "Looeef izh diffecull wen yoo mix litrachoo wif boozh," mumbled Brayunbash. The Most Reverend and Right Honorable Harold Eames, Archbishop of the Anglican Church of Ireland, is |
the mediator for the "Gret Gettin' Twogather." the Episcopal Church of Scotland does not want its members to become Irish "In the Anglican Articles of the Canterbury Convocation," says Eames, "it makes it quite clear that the Episcopal Church of Scotland does not want its members to become Irish, and do not want any Irish to be its priests, but they have no problem recognizing and being sensitive to the needs of the Irish in this time of world change. As for us, the Anglican Church of Ireland, we say, 'Fuck'em. They're only a bunch of stupid Scots, anyway.'" The Queen of England, Elizabeth II, had nothing to say except, "Let the boys sort it out amongst themselves.. now, WHERE did Charles go?" 
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