THEY SAY:"A 300-pound, male, black bear walked through the halls of Carilion Franklin Memorial Hospital in Roanoak, Virginia, at around 9:10 p.m. Officers planned to sedate the bear."
WAKKED HAS DISCOVERED THAT: Sheriff Johnny Four-Guns Larue, a former member of the Quumquatka Nation, just shot the damn thing dead. "Bear now dead. We all sleep better now," said Larue. WAKKED.COM has also learned that the bear was making a percodan delivery."
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THEY SAY: "A 30-meter high Vincent van Gogh hot air balloon flies over Sydney, Australia, participating in the Canberra Balloon Fiesta."
HOWEVER, WAKKED.COM HAS DISCOVERED THAT: This picture actually comes from the COMEDY CHANNEL screaming hit series, SOUTH PARK, and is an idea for the "Mr. Mackey Gets Fired" skit - mmmkay?
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THEY SAY: "Australia's Swinburne University of Technology's center for micro-photonics have constructed a model of the Sydney Opera House, see photo above, that is about half the diameter of a human hair. It is more than a million times smaller than the real Sydney Opera House."
WAKKED.COM REVEALS: One Swinburne professor was quoted as saying,"What we did, Mate, was match the size of John Kerry's wallet compared to 'is wife's. After that it was simply, as you Yanks say, 'a slam dunk.'!"
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THEY SAY: "London Actress, Alicia Witt, models what is claimed to be the most expensive hat ever made, the $2,700,000 Champrau d'Amour, by celebrity couture hat designer Louis Mariette, at Christies in London. The hat is covered entirely in dazzling diamonds."
BUT WAKKED.COM HAS LEARNED: That after selling the hat to Barbra Streisand, Mariette went into his office and expired from laughter. The funeral ceremony will be at an undetermined time, as Mariette has to be hung until ripe, so that the French can tell him from the living.
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THEY SAY: "Bandit, the world's heaviest raccoon, rests in the lap of Deborah "Pepper" Klitsch. Bandit, a junk-food crazed critter billed as the world's weightiest raccoon, died Saturday, May 8, 2004. PETA has accused Klitsch of animal cruelty."
WAKKED.COM HAS LEARNED: That Bandit had been a devout vegetarian his entire life and had never eaten refined sugar. Klitsch, whose house is filled with lawn gnomes, said, "I just said that to piss people off!"
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THEY SAY: "Devotees offer flowers to Tapawsiary Bapu, 37, an Indian Hindu holy man who has buried himself neck down in the ground for meditation for 10 days at Pathapur, India."
WAKKED.COM HAS LEARNED: That Bapu was not there on purpose. According to the Hindu Icon,"All I said to these very confused peoples was that I was looking for a little head and this is being done to me!?"
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